OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
