So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Randomize
