my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
