The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
