I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
