you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize