he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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