Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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