I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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