I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Randomize
