I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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