Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I wear drunk well.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
