im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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