Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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