I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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