I think my fart just growled at me.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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