She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
