i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
