Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
