my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
