i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
