ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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