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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  I told you not to have sex with her on my futon

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I didnt dude, i swear!

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.

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• (415): View more from California

  We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.

  (916): View more from California

  Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.

  (415): View more from California

  HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  I was just power-washing my vagina.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.

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• (585): View more from New York

  I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop

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• (714): View more from California

  I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...

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