And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
