everyone is single if you try hard enough
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
