yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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