I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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