so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
