Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
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Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
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Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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