that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
