Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
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Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
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How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"