We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.