all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
