Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Randomize
