Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?