No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here