And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
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i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
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I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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