the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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