remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Randomize
