love makes seman taste better
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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