I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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