First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
