his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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