You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
