okay pat passed out under dana's car
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
