When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
