Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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