Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
