So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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