I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
