I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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