tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
