I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
