He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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