Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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