Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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