Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
