I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
