I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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