You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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