i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
That's how pantless uber rides happen
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
