I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
