you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
