Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
