I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
