White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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