high people should be assigned attendants
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
