Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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