You can't motorboat a personality
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
