maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
