im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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