just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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