if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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