At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
