we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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