I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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