You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
