he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
