bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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