so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
