So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
