Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
