Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize