just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
